Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Back to school night....junior high edition
Tonight, was Andres' back to school night. I went with him. Basically what you do is they give you 15mins in each of your 8 classes, so that you can go around and see what your day will be like, where the classrooms are, meet your teacher, and for the teacher to give you a condensed version of what the year will be like, supplies needed and such. I was running late(shocker!) I was trying to get dinner for the 3 little ones that were staying home, with my mom, and I was in such a hurry that I didn't even think to look at my clothes...so I left, got to the junior high, found Andres there, and went inside. As I walk through those doors I look down at my white t-shirt that I'm wearing, and of course there's a stain on it, and then another blotch of I don't know what, that looks like little fingers (gee I wonder who's fingers those are?) As if walking through those doors didn't give me enough anxiety, now I have to walk around this school with a stained shirt...and I know they are looking at me, and maybe even talking about me as they walk by me! Or is that all in my head!? GRRR!! Why does going into a junior high immediately make me feel self conscious and like a complete reject!? I'm a mom, I'm raising 4 kids, I have a home, I have a nice car...that I can drive, might I add, I can cook, I can use a credit card, I've graduated High school and I'm even a college student now...so why does this anxiety completely take over me and instantly feel lower than these children....I'm old enough to be their mom! So I notice that as I'm walking through these halls, and as I'm sitting in each classroom, I feel the need to hold my purse in front of me, or pretend I'm reading a piece of paper, trying to hide this stupid stain on my shirt. I was so uncomfortable for the 1 1/2 hours that we were there! Of course it doesn't help that my son, my sweet 14 year old cute boy which I gave birth to, thinks I'm so not cool, and sometimes didn't even want to sit by me in the classroom UGH! How do I get past this? I was that girl, the girl that was made fun of, the girl that didn't have cool clothes, the girl that was totally ignored by all the boys, and all those insecurities of junior high come rushing back as I'm in this school! I need a therapy session just to get over what this back to school night has done to me, and I will be sending them the bill! Now I'm going to go curl up in a blanket and a pillow, watch something that will be depressing while I eat ice cream! Ridiculous!